It’s out in the open… and counting 

 

#1 Tooth paste and Hans Jørgen Bonnichsen

Nothing tops the grueling showmanship of the faggoty white tooth paste. Good luck getting those stains off without looking at it – concentratedly – in front of a mirror, lights on. Faced with tooth paste, even drowning your face in gallons of water is pointless. No matter the effort, nor the number of attempts – I’m telling you; this treasonous cunt spunk will force you into looking at it in the mirror – force feed you with its flat whereabouts. On a bad day, it will even trick you into believing that you got rid of it, when in fact you haven’t. This is commonly referred to as a sleeper blotch – the second blast tooth paste bitch – it’s like a ghost – you just wiped it off and yet it keeps reappearing in vibrant white. No matter how many times you try to wipe it off with a wet cloth – it just keeps popping right back up at you.

There is an uncanny resemblance to the ex head of Danish Intelligence Hans Jørgen Bonnichsen who did quite an inconceivable Paris Hilton when he retired. It could be purely coincidental – you judge for yourself. Although gradually waning as an intelligence pundit one must marvel at how the supposedly inconspicuous ex head of Danish Intelligence turned into a fully fledged media whore. It would seem that the retired intelligence boss got bored and snapped from living in the shadows. To me his best weigh in was no doubt his analysis of the one legged jihadist plumber Lors Dukajev, whom he thought to be very professional – Lors Dukajev blew up a toilet in case you didn’t remember. The police and the public extend their gratitude in the profiling. Thank you once again Hans Jørgen Bonnichsen.

#2 Belt buckling

Any belt will never miss an opportunity to fuck you over for some attention, however little. At first, you’re preoccupied with something else as you seem to keep struggling to find the hole in the bloody belt. Gradually, you start concentrating a little harder although refusing to acknowledge that finding the hole in the belt would require this much attention. After fiddling with it for almost a minute you finally give up and give the belt the attention it craves hoping that it will finally allow you to buckle it.

#3 Water on the bathroom floor 

You finished showering and you are thoroughly wiping the floor so as to allow you to freely move about without getting your socks wet. Now, as you ascertain the dryness of the floor, you have every reason to believe that your socks will not get wet. However, stepping out on it you somehow manage to wet your socks in some invisible puddle of water. “Strange,” you think to yourself, patiently wiping over the spot once more leaving the broom by the door and putting your socks back on. Done that, you scrutinize the floor one last time as you step on it for the second time, but yet again you feel your socks absorbing the cunt water. The phenomenon is known as “black water”, derived from black ice; meaning ice in cold seas which is very difficult to spot and can lead to hazardous collisions. It is intelligent and has comparable properties to that of liquid metal. Black water lurks on hard surfaces where it blends in with its surroundings and pester humans. It preys on woollen textures and lycra. Natural enemies; cloths and the formidable; the towl.